Moving Forward
by nobody yet
Summary: Jane and Rafael's marriage didn't work. Two years later Jane finds herself at Montana and she thinks about contacting an old, what's the word for a husband that was believed to be dead but then came back and you left him. Friend? yeah let's go with that. Rating may change
1. Chapter 1

It has been six years since the last time Jane saw Michael, it's not like she planned this. But, it would be rude to be in Montana and not say 'hi' at least, which is why she was currently holding her phone and scrolling to find his number. It was weird, this current inspiration tour her agent had recommended, a six months tour across the country to freshen up her sense of space and scenery as they were getting repetitive, were the words he used, was a convenient excuse to catch up with a lot of friends. She had called Lina, actually called not facebook message or texted, and they planned a whole month together to hang out like old times. So Jane, ever the conscientious worker put New York month in the middle because she couldn't really think of it as work. Yet, she had to put Montana in the first month, as that was the time for Mateo's first ever Europe tour with his father and she'd finally reached a place with Rafael where they could be comfortable around each other again, and having Mateo tell him that she decided to contact Michael would put them through another round of the blame game that neither of them needed. Finally, she found his name, she must've scrolled past it a couple of times already. She hated this, a long long time ago starting a conversation with Michael was as easy as breathing to her, now she couldn't even find a term for their relationship. Damn, it's ringing.

"Hello, who is this?"

Jane had to admit, she was a little hurt that he deleted her number. "Hi Michael." She paused, was she waiting for him to recognize her voice? "It's Jane."

"Oh yeah, Hi Jane. How are you doing?"

Jane hated this again, that was so impersonal and formal. "I am in Montana on business, thought I could catch up with an old friend."

"Is that what we are?"

'No, no it's not I am your ex-wi..widow', she knows she's not his ex-wife, that is so simple and inadequate. "It's what I hope to be." That's what she settles on saying when she feels that her pause lasted too long

"O.k. I am staying in Helena currently, we should catch up."

"You moved? I am actually staying in Helena too."

"That's great. But I gotta go now Jane, talk to you later."

Jane knew what being blown off sounded like, but she never really thought Michael would blow her off.

Later that night, Jane was trying to work on her book, forget about her ex-dead husband blowing her off and checking her mental list of all the ways she lost him. Her phone rang, it was Michael, she let it go through 2 rings and then answered.

"Hey, sorry I hung up on you earlier."

"No. It's okay. My call was out of the blue".

"Tomorrow's Saturday I am free, meet you for a cup of coffee. Catch up?"

"I'd like that. Yeah"

Apparently Michael had finally reacquainted himself with the marvels of modern technology, as he sent her his location. Jane wanted to be prepared, she felt guilty, not for leaving him all those years ago, but for cutting him out of her life the way she did. He was family, in so many ways and it wasn't fair of her to do that. She arrived at the location, five minutes early.

She took a deep breath and went inside, she was glad she wasn't the only one who came early, there he was sitting on a table, looking at his coffee like it offended him, yet is the answer to all his problems. He looked different, his clothes were the same style she last saw him in, but his hair was shorter and brushed back.

"What did the coffee do to you?" This was good, funny and familiar she could've done worse. Michael looked up, and for a second he looked surprised to see her, then he smiled cordially. It was worse than when he came back, at least that time they really were strangers, now he remembered her but she was still a stranger, so much for old friends.

"Hi Jane". He gestured to the chair opposite him, she took it.

"How are you Michael?"

"I'm… fine, I guess. I'm sorry, I thought this was a good idea. I don't even know where to start." He raised his hand to call the waitress, but Jane squeezed his other hand tightly, hoping it would stop him

"Start what Michael?" Jane sighed with relief as he lowered his raised hand.

"I, I wasn't really planning on calling you back." He looked really guilty.

"So what changed your mind?"

"Would you like to order something?"

What's with the frustratingly good service?

Jane placed her order and then turned to Michael again. She stared at him silently, waiting for an answer.

"So some stuff happened after your call, that's not true….stuff has been happening for a long time. And I felt like I really needed to talk to someone who isn't present in my day to day life, but still knew me." For the first time, today Jane saw him smile for real. "An old friend, as you called it. And I figured it was a sign" it wasn't his normal goofy grin, that would automatically make her smile along, it was more toned down and sad, but at least it reached his eyes.

"Of course, you can talk to me" a smirk, that was what her reassurance got her, but his guard seems to be slowly coming down.

"You do realize you just agreed to become my free therapist for the day."

"Oh no no no, I am an old friend. We're each others' therapists." Another smile, she never thought she'd be keeping score. "So trouble with Charlie?". Crap, there goes the smile Michael looked at his coffee cup again.

"Charlie was..Charlie was too good for me." A part of Jane was offended to hear that she knew Michael wasn't comparing them, but a part of her thought that he was too good for her, or at least for her complicated life. He deserved a simple life, without so many variables.

"We lost the baby" Michael's eyes glazed over "she was stillborn" Jane could hear a tremble building up in his voice. "And I was a terrible support, I was too swallowed up in my own grief to help Charlie through hers." One tear seemed to have escaped the weird control he was trying to hold over his emotions, he kept trying to smile through his trembling lips, as if he wanted to reassure her that it was over, but all he did was worry her more. Michael was never one to hide his emotions, or hold back his tears, this stranger in front of her seemed to be ashamed of them. He quickly wiped away the stray tear and returned his fake smile.

"Enough about me. How have you been?"

"You've clearly never been to therapy, that was the worst point to stop, ever."

"Baby steps, Jane. Please." Something about his expression was so broken that she had to acquiesce, for fear of losing him, in yet another way, she'd already lost him to death and breakups, she lost him as a friend too, to avoid Rafael's jealousy, justified as it may have been, as she never really stopped loving Michael she just grew to love Rafael more or for more reasons.

"Rafael and I had a divorce." She cut her easily side-tracked train of thoughts "A couple of years ago." She added quickly when a plethora of emotions passed in his eyes, there was surprise, guilt, pity, and an inexplicable disappointment. She feared she knew where the disappointment came from, which he proved with his next words.

"So you're looking for a rebound."

"no, Michael, you can never be a rebound. Ever." Now it was her turn to tear up "it took everything from me to move on. After I believed you were dead, when you came back, being around you hurt, it hurt both of us, or actually all three of us because Rafael is an eternal part of the equation and I thought it would be best to go our separate ways, but I don't want us to be strangers. If you want us to, I understand, I'll leave."

"Don't leave." They both sighed, Jane in relief, Michael in defeat. He carefully moved his coffee cup to the center of the table and rested his head in his palms.

"It just hurt, you know."

"Yes, I"

"not being around you." He interrupted her "I mean that hurt of course, but it wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that my life seemed to be summarized in that one role, Jane's husband, and then even that was taken away from me."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

"I didn't seem to matter, to anyone." Again Jane noticed how much Michael changed, the Michael she knew would've shown his pain, plain and clear the words he said were painful enough but somehow the wry smile on his face, accompanied with a shrug seemed much more painful. "I knew that I should be happy for you, for my mom, for my dad. You moved on it was good, it was healthy and I was glad for you, but I felt sorry for myself." He paused and sighed, every cell in Jane's body wanted to reassure him, however, she felt a precarious balance for a moment he was showing his emotions, he let the pain reach his eyes and she suspected that if he could tell that she saw he would put his guard back-up.

A deep breath and a sip of coffee later, "You're awfully quiet." The guard was back up anyway, it seemed.

"I just don't know what to say." She took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I know." And suddenly Michael's features changed, forget guarded he looked ready to fight.

"I just want to make sure of something" Michael started repeatedly touching his lips with his pointer finger. "No books this time" he stopped his strange nervous habit? Was it a habit? Jane found that she was focusing too much on the tick, to ignore his tone, it wasn't one he ever used with her but it was one she heard about, from Rafael, when she decided she was choosing Michael, to describe how much Michael had it in for him, and from Dennis trying to describe Michael's other face as he interviewed a suspect, his authoritative side that she could never really imagine her goofy husband having. She was a suspect, she never thought that she'd want to feel like a stranger again.

"Alright, promise." For the next five minutes Jane was tortured with the awkward silence and watching Michael drink his coffee, he kept blowing and sipping and blowing and sipping even though the coffee was probably ice cold at that point. Jane realized she should really be careful with her wishes, back to strangers it was, complete with a fake smile.

"So what's new with you? Other than the divorce, obviously."

"Well, my second book sold pretty well. And they're adapting it."

"TV?"

"Comic books." His stunned expression was a look she recognized, so she didn't want this moment to escape.

"There is this company and they're trying to adapt the Japanese version of comic books or 'manga' where the comic book isn't a genre but a medium and it tells all kinds of stories."

"_Comic Books?" Jane was puzzled at her agent's declaration. She didn't really think her story was comic-y._

"_Research it. Webcomics and Manga already have a huge western following, in Japan and Korea they get adapted into dramas, and they cover all sorts of genres. The company we're talking about is trying to adapt several Novels, most of them are adventure and more traditional for the medium, however, they are trying to adapt some romance novels. And with your current block this would be a nice change of pace."_

_So Jane did her research, and she felt her heart glow, it seemed like romance novels and telenovelas were going to have a new companion, romance manga or 'shoujo' look at her getting her lingo straight._

"_I am in. Let's adapt it." She told her agent a week later._

"_Perfect, we'll set a date for you to meet their artist. And you should be good to go."_

_Jane was excited to meet their artist, until she heard his voice._

"_I'm kinda disappointed you didn't write me as the villain." Jane wondered why she was even surprised anymore, in her 'straight out of a telenovela' life none other than Adam could be the artist of her story. She used that sentence so excessively in her novel that it was criticized by some, if only her critics could see her now._

"_You weren't worth it."_

"_OOUUCH" Adam dramatically reeled back from her proverbial punch. "I guess I had that coming."_

"_Why would you agree to this?" Jane asked, genuinely perplexed. _

"_Well my boss knew I had worked on your first book's cover and it seemed like I would be the best at understanding how you want your characters presented. So what do you say, partners?"_

"_I'm going to need some time to think about this." Jane stood wanting to bolt out of the room._

"_Sure, take your time." Adam told her and she started walking away. "But Jane." She turned "I am good at my job"_

_A part of Jane already knew that. Which is why she agreed to start working after only one day of thinking, only to let him suffer a bit._

"So the guy drawing your comic book is rooftop Adam"

"Yup, rooftop Adam" Jane smiled, and he mirrored it, even though it was his joke, Michael never waited to laugh at his own jokes, especially one that was actually funny.

"Other than that, my editor hates my current book, he wants me to alter most of it and get out of my comfort zone." Jane expected that her turn of sharing was over but she couldn't stand the awkward silence any longer so she added "My book was a huge commercial success, but critically" she shrugged "well, mixed reviews."

"So now, you're here." A response, brief maybe but a response nonetheless

"Now I'm here." Her tone changed, a bit and Jane really wanted to say more 'I'm here so talk, don't shut me out, I missed you, for ten years I've missed you. I never stopped missing you, or rather, him, I miss Miami detective Michael.'

"I'm here", she repeated, with a nod and she wished that this was enough, she needed it to be enough.

"So how're Xo and Alba?" asked Michael after a couple of silent minutes.

"Wow, we're really fishing for topics, aren't we?"

"Want to talk about your divorce?"

"Want to talk about yours?"

"We never got that far."

"What happened?"

"It's, uh, it's heavy"

"Come on, I can handle heavy."

I know this is a very slow chapter sorry about that. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Michael looked at her skeptically. It was different from the time when he was Jason on the ferris wheel, the frustration was there, but this time there was fear, she feared pressuring him, she feared his guard being back up and most importantly she feared losing him. So she waited, and if it was the man she once knew so well, she'd doubt he'd sensed the unease and was teasing her.

Michael took a big resigned sigh "Icantfeelpain". All Jane heard was an indistinct whisper and if she hadn't seen his lips move she wouldn't believe he said anything. "What?" Jane's face was scrunched she was trying to focus everything in her to hear his words.

"I..uh" Michael shut his eyes and faced down "I can no longer feel pain."

"What?" She heard it perfectly fine this time, that didn't mean she understood it.

"Yeah, Rose's cherry on top". There it was again the smile that was not Michael's, it didn't reach his eyes, scratch that, it was like she was looking at one of those pictures where you might either see an old woman or a young woman, and once you find one it becomes incredibly hard to see the other until someone points it out, and then you start wondering where was the image you saw in the first place. She saw the smile first and for a second she thought he was joking, but the look in his eyes gutted her, and she couldn't for the life of her understand how she could have missed it. Because it was there the whole time that pain was in his eyes, but she couldn't see it, yet now she couldn't unsee it.

"How..uh…how?" it was her turn to stumble.

"The brain is an inexact science." Michael said that in the slowest drawl possible, gesturing to his head. "Turns out there are side effects from repeatedly frying my brain to wipe my memories, other than, y'know, wiping my memories."

"Did you know, when you were in Miami?" Jane hated herself, Michael was sharing something personal and here she was wondering if he'd lied to her. Michael didn't seem bothered by this.

"No, I found out later."

"How did you not know?" she didn't want it to come out interrogative or skeptical but Jane felt the need to understand, too many questions were swarming in her head and she felt better concentrating on the factual ones. Michael closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his right hand.

"Well, you know, when you've been led to believe that you are a horrible villain on the run who somehow earned being stranded in the middle of nowhere with no one recognizing you, you tend to avoid hospitals." Jane was taken aback by the bite in his tone "Besides, not feeling pain didn't really strike as a cause of concern, or a valid reason for risking getting caught.", Michael was whisper-shouting by the end of it, Jane flinched and with his next words Michael confirmed that her flinch was visible.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone off on you like that, it's just that… I thought you of all people would understand, you know what happened."

"I didn't mean to upset you Michael, it's just a little too hard to take, you have to understand." Jane said pleadingly, he scoffed.

"I don't, I don't **have**" Michael enunciated that word **"**to understand anything, you don't either." He gestured to the waitress to bring the check.

"You're right, but I want to, I want to know"

_Six years ago_

_Michael smiled at Charlie as she was bringing firewood after he finished pitching the tent, travelling across the country to meet his ex-wife before her second wedding to give her the rights to his life put them in a rough patch, she said that she could see a lingering in his eyes whenever he looked at Jane._

"_Maybe" he said as they stood in her house._

"_So you admit it, you admit you still have feelings for her."_

"_I do, I just don't know what those feelings are, I don't know if I still like her, or if I'm remembering what it was like, I don't know if anything I do is me anymore, I don't know who that is Michael or Jason or Rose's conditioning, I remember acting like the Michael I remember for the first year, but then I changed, I don't know whether to adapt or because I liked this life better than a shadow of a memory, I don't know." Michael was openly crying by the end of his speech and Charlie hugged him, with her eyes glazed over. "What about me?" her tone was filled with guarded hope._

"_I love you, I'm sure of that." He smiled_

"_But, is it as much as you remember loving her?" how could he answer that the truth was no he wasn't sure he could love someone so wholeheartedly again, he changed, he was hurt and he needed to guard himself, he needed to put himself as his own first priority. He looked at her while pondering an answer, and the look on her face told him that his silence was answer enough, but then a look at her belly reminded him that there was already someone who'd be his first priority._

"_I love you." He brought her hands to his lips. "I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you want, but I love you, you ground me and you know me and I need you, maybe it's selfish but I love you." He moved both their hands to her belly "And I love this baby, I love that he's my baby not Michael's not Jason's simply mine whoever I am." _

"_So there you have it." Michael got down on one knee and held her right hand and kissed her ring. "I've put this ring on your finger before you were disillusioned to what a selfish, broken bastard I am. Now I ask you again will you marry me, whoever I am?"_

"_Michael really was sappy." She said between her tears and her nods._

_Thus, there they were camping, it was a beautiful day and by night time they started a fire, lounging next to it, enjoying the pleasant heat, then it happened._

"_MICHAEL!" Michael looked around searching for a snake or a scorpion or anything that would elicit such a scream from Charlie, and then he saw it, his hand was still clutching the iron poker they use to stoke the fire, an old thing that lost it's insulating clutch, they agreed that they would use it quickly and keep it as far away from the fire as possible when it was not in use, he dropped it and looked at his hand an angry red mark ran across his right palm._

While telling his story Michael was absentmindedly rubbing his right palm with his left thumb, then he stopped and showed Jane his hand.

"I forgot what an easy crier you were." 


End file.
